The Worst Thing You Can Say to Another Mama
It was like someone had punched me in the gut.
I read it again:
(me) "I work just as hard as you."...........(her) "Not really. Not even close."
I was in the middle of working on a project and I was trying to explain why I couldn't, at that moment, drop what I was doing and do what she wanted me to do. As I tried to explain what was on my plate she responded with "ha ha ha, whatever." And then, after I lost my cool and told her why I was stressed she patronized me saying, "motherhood is hard, working motherhood is harder."
First, fuck her.
But more importantly, here's the thing:
YES, I stay home with my kid. BUT, I also work two part-time jobs and, I put whatever is left in the tank at the end of the day into this business- every extra ounce of blood, sweat, and tears creating content, workout programs for clients, and helping other mamas find their fitness mojo.
I experience it all:
--> All the amazing-ness of being a stay-at-home mama
--> And, all the frustration of staying home, trying to keep us busy and feel "successful"
--> All the sadness of leaving him at school
--> And, all the accomplishment of helping provide for my family and do what I love
All the love, frustration, guilt, joy, stress, and sadness... ALL. OF. IT.
I get to experience the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows from both perspectives- working and staying home. And, it's not easy.
They are both tests of patience, willpower, and emotional fortitude.
When you stay home you spend your days figuring out how to stay engaged and entertained, trying to get shit done around the house, while staying on the perfect schedule, surrounded by a little person (or people) wanting every ounce of your attention. And it never ends, you are always at work.
But, when you work outside of the house you have to get used to parting with that sweet baby, wondering how they are doing, wondering if they are having a good day or if people are being nice, all while having to deal with other people's BS and then, come home to the rest.
ALL MAMAS WORK REALLY, REALLY HARD.
But, I've noticed, that WE are also the ones that make it harder on each other. We assume the other type of mom doesn't work as hard, worry as much, or have as much stress because they aren't dealing with our same issues.
It is assumed that as working mamas, we get a break from the kids and we don't deal with any whining or bullshit which, MUST be SO glorious. And, us stay-at-home mamas, well, we get to be home all day, vacuuming in our aprons, making cookies from scratch, and flirting with the bald guy on the paper towel package as we hand mop our white tile floors...RIGHT??
Nahhhh, fuck that. NONE of that could be further from the truth.
Every time I drop E off at school I spend the first 20 minutes that we're apart looking at pictures of him, worrying about him, MISSING HIM DESPERATELY. But, I get a break from him- you know the one where I spend a majority of my time continuing to worry (or, obsess) about him or, planning the rest of our week, thinking about our tasks for the next few days, yada, yada, yada.